The Complexities of Our 20s: Navigating the Messiest Years of Our Lives

When the Best Years of Your Life Don’t Feel That Great

If you listen to people older than us, they’ll tell you that your 20s are the best years of your life. They say it with this certainty, like they’ve unlocked some secret that we’re still too young and naive to understand. But here’s the thing: I don’t see it that way, and I’m willing to bet most of us in this stage of life don’t either.

When you’re actually living it, your 20s feel far from the golden years people claim them to be. Instead, they’re a tangled web of questions, confusion, and constant change. It’s like trying to navigate a storm while everyone around you is telling you to just enjoy the rain.

The truth is, no one really talks about the weight that comes with this decade. The uncertainty. The fear. The pressure. We’re thrown into adulthood and expected to figure out everything from careers to relationships to who we are as individuals, all while trying to somehow keep our heads above water.

But let’s really unpack that.

The Weight of the Unknown

In your 20s, you're constantly straddling two worlds: the person you thought you would be and the reality of who you are right now. It’s a tension that pulls you in different directions, and often, you’re not sure which path to follow. Everyone says, “You’ve got time. Don’t rush it,” but there’s this quiet, gnawing fear in the back of your mind that whispers, Am I running out of time?

Society pushes this narrative that by 25, you should have it all figured out. A good job, a stable relationship, financial independence. But what they don’t tell you is that none of this is linear. There’s no roadmap for success, and the timeline we’ve been fed is just a myth. So, what do we do with this pressure? We stumble through it, questioning every choice we make.

And that’s okay. Because no one really knows what they’re doing.

Relationships: The Ones You Keep, the Ones You Lose

Friendships and relationships in your 20s are another layer of complexity. People change, and sometimes those changes mean growing apart from people you thought would be around forever. It’s bittersweet, really. There’s this realization that not everyone is meant to stay in your life for the long haul, and that’s something we have to learn to accept.

The same goes for romantic relationships. You might fall in love, only to realize that love isn’t always enough. You could be with someone and still feel utterly alone. And then there’s the flip side: the fear of being alone, of not finding your person when it seems like everyone else is settling down.

It’s a messy dance between wanting connection and needing independence, and no one really tells you how to do it right. Maybe because there is no “right.”

Money and the Myth of Success

Let’s not even get started on money. We were raised on the idea that if you work hard, you’ll succeed. But what they don’t prepare you for is how expensive just existing can be. Rent, student loans, bills, groceries—it’s like you’re constantly treading water, trying to stay afloat. And then there’s the silent comparison game we all play. Scrolling through social media, seeing people our age thriving in their careers, buying homes, traveling the world, while we’re stuck wondering how we’re going to make next month’s rent.

But here’s the thing: success isn’t a one-size-fits-all deal. The life you want to build doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. It’s okay if it takes time, if it doesn’t happen overnight, or if it never looks like the “ideal” version we were sold growing up.

Coming Into Your Own

Then there’s the most complex part of all—figuring out who you are. Your 20s are the time when you’re supposed to “find yourself,” but what if you don’t even know where to start looking? We’re all works in progress, constantly evolving, learning, and unlearning. Maybe the key isn’t in finding ourselves but in accepting that who we are will keep changing. And that’s okay.

There’s beauty in the mess, in the uncertainty, in the not knowing. We spend so much time worrying about getting it right that we forget life isn’t something we master—it’s something we experience. The good, the bad, the complicated.

The Honest Truth

I know when I’m older, I’ll probably look back and think, Man, life was so much simpler than I realized. I’ll probably laugh at all the times I overthought every decision or stressed over things that turned out fine. But that doesn’t make these years any less heavy.

So, to everyone in their 20s right now, let’s just be real: these years are hard. They’re confusing, stressful, and sometimes downright exhausting. But maybe that’s what makes them valuable. We’re learning how to navigate the complexities of life, and maybe that’s something worth celebrating. Not because it’s easy, but because we’re doing it, every day.

And that’s something no one can take away from us.